I just want to understand!

I'm tired of this. I could be completely fine for days to months.. Then I'll dream about him, my dad. What sucks, they are rarely ever the pleasant memory type dreams. They're definitely dreams that reenact the day he died. The dream I had this morning started off with myself and a few others up at the house I grew up in/he lived in. We were all waiting for him to get home from wherever it was he went. We were all preoccupied inside the house and heard his truck pull up, but didn't see him pull in at all. So, I walked out and didn't see him anywhere. I walked all around the truck, then walked over by the other side of the house. And that's when I found him, semi-propped up against a tree. I just went blank, cold, white.. My uncle ran over to him and checked his pulse and what not and told me he was dead. Then I woke up.. Every time, this is what it's like!
Sorry if this is strange or odd for any of you to read. I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest. Rarely ever do I talk about the dreams, and if I do it's usually just to my mom or someone else and it's rare that I even talk about them at all. They always start off with a few days or the day before he dies. And it's almost always my uncle that is the one who tells me he's dead. Not sure if it's like that because that's how it really happened on the day he died or what.. My uncle is the one who was in the room with him at the time of his death, and he was the one who called me when it happened.
All I know is that I'm TIRED of these dreams! It's been almost 5 years now since they started. I'm tired of feeling crazy...