There are times when I wish I was more girlie. Not totally sure where this came from, but I think the late time insomnia and medicine has a small something to do with it.
I doubt my husband would truly mind if I was more lady-like. When we started dating, I wasn't especially girly. I wore make up and the occasional dress or skirt. But he married the Air Force, country girl from northern California.
I used to get my nails done quite frequently. I actually love having fake nails, it just gets rather pricey from time to time.
Honestly though, I just wish I was more girly a times. Maybe I will feel the opportunity will be more possible after I get to a decent goal weight. There are SO many cute clothes and outfits I don't feel like I can wear because I'm not physically appealing to myself. There's that saying about loving yourself before you can love others that comes to mind. Maybe if I felt more physically appealing to myself I will feel like I'm more appealing to my husband?
He tells me I'm beautiful and loves me the way I am. But to be honest, I don't love me.
Team Beachbody!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Growing up...
Growing up is a fascinating thing to me. Watching my children grow is highly fascinating as well.
Yesterday I passed one of my old high schools, I went to two. And I started thinking about the wreck I was in my Freshman year of high school. I was riding with my boyfriend at the time as we were going out for a date. I am from a town of a few hundred people outside of Redding, CA which has a population of about 80,000. Anyway, we were traveling on the country roads on our way into "town" for our date. He didn't see the stop sign at the intersection of a country road and a very busy 55/65 mph highway. As we fly past the stop sign, I look out my window and remember this van coming very close to hitting me. I thought we passed it when, WHAM! The van hit the back of his jeep and tore the back hatch entirely off the vehicle.
Anyway, I ended up with a huge goose egg/bump on my forehead and a concussion. I was unable to play basketball for 2 weeks and I was slightly devastated. Of course I was more worried at the time about if mom was going to kill my boyfriend and missing a few games. I didn't kiss the ground everyday and praise a God that I was happy to be alive.
It was a day or two later that the swelling began to go down, but 2 black circles emerged around and under my eyes. I was unaware that jokes had already begun around school. I had raccoon eyes, which was apparently quite humorous to my peers. But, what I remember the most is one particular joke going around about myself and how we ended up crashing.
It made me think, hope, and pray my children never have to endure anything like what I went through as a kid. I'm mostly worried for Shannon since she is my special kid and like me in so many ways. I was already socially awkward and a chatterbox (surprise surprise). I never felt normal almost the entire time I was in school. I was pretty much picked on from day one and it stopped after I joined the military.
As an adult, you begin to realize the personal struggles one endures on a daily, weekly, monthly basis, or at least I have. After my mom's house burnt down, she was basically homeless, with no bra, and no shoes. So she went to the store to buy items to replace those since she didn't have any. I'm sure she got stares and possible rude comments. But it's because people can be heartless and judgemental. We learn it at an early age and sometimes it changes.
So, here I was 15 years old and being laughed at in school after dodging death. I REALLY could have died that day. If that van hit his Jeep in the wrong way, I could have died. And no one seemed to care. I think some of my close friends did. But people were too caught up in how to make fun of me than asking if truly was okay.
It's been almost 10 years now, this November anyway. And this is still bugging me. I don't necessarily want or need to receive apologies from peers. But I just hope people learn from bullying someday and teach their own kids how harmful bullying can be. I've forgiven and forgotten. I know the truth that day. We were talking when he went through the stop sign, that is all. No funny business.
Yesterday I passed one of my old high schools, I went to two. And I started thinking about the wreck I was in my Freshman year of high school. I was riding with my boyfriend at the time as we were going out for a date. I am from a town of a few hundred people outside of Redding, CA which has a population of about 80,000. Anyway, we were traveling on the country roads on our way into "town" for our date. He didn't see the stop sign at the intersection of a country road and a very busy 55/65 mph highway. As we fly past the stop sign, I look out my window and remember this van coming very close to hitting me. I thought we passed it when, WHAM! The van hit the back of his jeep and tore the back hatch entirely off the vehicle.
Anyway, I ended up with a huge goose egg/bump on my forehead and a concussion. I was unable to play basketball for 2 weeks and I was slightly devastated. Of course I was more worried at the time about if mom was going to kill my boyfriend and missing a few games. I didn't kiss the ground everyday and praise a God that I was happy to be alive.
It was a day or two later that the swelling began to go down, but 2 black circles emerged around and under my eyes. I was unaware that jokes had already begun around school. I had raccoon eyes, which was apparently quite humorous to my peers. But, what I remember the most is one particular joke going around about myself and how we ended up crashing.
It made me think, hope, and pray my children never have to endure anything like what I went through as a kid. I'm mostly worried for Shannon since she is my special kid and like me in so many ways. I was already socially awkward and a chatterbox (surprise surprise). I never felt normal almost the entire time I was in school. I was pretty much picked on from day one and it stopped after I joined the military.
As an adult, you begin to realize the personal struggles one endures on a daily, weekly, monthly basis, or at least I have. After my mom's house burnt down, she was basically homeless, with no bra, and no shoes. So she went to the store to buy items to replace those since she didn't have any. I'm sure she got stares and possible rude comments. But it's because people can be heartless and judgemental. We learn it at an early age and sometimes it changes.
So, here I was 15 years old and being laughed at in school after dodging death. I REALLY could have died that day. If that van hit his Jeep in the wrong way, I could have died. And no one seemed to care. I think some of my close friends did. But people were too caught up in how to make fun of me than asking if truly was okay.
It's been almost 10 years now, this November anyway. And this is still bugging me. I don't necessarily want or need to receive apologies from peers. But I just hope people learn from bullying someday and teach their own kids how harmful bullying can be. I've forgiven and forgotten. I know the truth that day. We were talking when he went through the stop sign, that is all. No funny business.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Glutton For Punishment
Well, I am! Today I completed day 2 of TurboFire. It's the first of many days on a course to a better me. I forgot how much fun the workouts are, and how much I love them. Seriously though, as the title says, I must be a real glutton for punishment. I'm sore from my ankles to my neck. I want more! I'm back to being my old self, a workout/activity junkie.
Tomorrow is my first rest day in week 1 of 9 in TurboFire. But I'm going to spend the morning of my rest day at the gym hitting tennis balls. TOTALLY excited for that. I haven't participated in any kind of sport since 2004/2005. Tomorrow morning the man who set up my membership is going to hit some balls in my direction and give me a rating. Once I have a rating, I can find a group to play with, I hope! Looking for a nice physical activity and hopefully I can meet some new people!
Tomorrow is my first rest day in week 1 of 9 in TurboFire. But I'm going to spend the morning of my rest day at the gym hitting tennis balls. TOTALLY excited for that. I haven't participated in any kind of sport since 2004/2005. Tomorrow morning the man who set up my membership is going to hit some balls in my direction and give me a rating. Once I have a rating, I can find a group to play with, I hope! Looking for a nice physical activity and hopefully I can meet some new people!
5 Question Friday
1. Thunderstorms - love them or hate them?
~ Love love love love love them! My love for thunderstorms started at a very young age. One time I remember driving to an awesome spot in the northern California valley where we (my mom, dad, and I) could watch a thunderstorm one night. It was magnificent.
2. Do your kids get back to school clothes?
~ Yes! I did, so why shouldn't they? My grandma and I always used to go shopping before school started every year. This year is technically my first "back to school year" as a parent. So, when my mother was in town, we drove up to Park City and went shopping.
3. Do you golf? Do you watch it?
~ No and NO! I have no desire to watch it whatsoever. Now I'm not knocking the opportunity to ever play golf, I just don't feel an immediate need to do so.
4. Showers or baths?
~ Showers. I don't like our bathtub enough to take a bath in it. Now, if I had a big, deep one like my mother's, I just might take more baths. Besides, it's hard for me to just relax. So I would have to read a book or be doing something while taking a bath.
5. What's the strangest meal you ever ate?
~ Strangest? Hmm, not too sure. I'm a VERY picky eater, so there really isn't much of anything strange I will eat. I've eaten escargot before. That's pretty strange, to me anyway.
The questions for 5QF can be found at: http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com/
~ Love love love love love them! My love for thunderstorms started at a very young age. One time I remember driving to an awesome spot in the northern California valley where we (my mom, dad, and I) could watch a thunderstorm one night. It was magnificent.
2. Do your kids get back to school clothes?
~ Yes! I did, so why shouldn't they? My grandma and I always used to go shopping before school started every year. This year is technically my first "back to school year" as a parent. So, when my mother was in town, we drove up to Park City and went shopping.
3. Do you golf? Do you watch it?
~ No and NO! I have no desire to watch it whatsoever. Now I'm not knocking the opportunity to ever play golf, I just don't feel an immediate need to do so.
4. Showers or baths?
~ Showers. I don't like our bathtub enough to take a bath in it. Now, if I had a big, deep one like my mother's, I just might take more baths. Besides, it's hard for me to just relax. So I would have to read a book or be doing something while taking a bath.
5. What's the strangest meal you ever ate?
~ Strangest? Hmm, not too sure. I'm a VERY picky eater, so there really isn't much of anything strange I will eat. I've eaten escargot before. That's pretty strange, to me anyway.
The questions for 5QF can be found at: http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)