Unclear frustrations are frustrating

I'm not sure why, but something just doesn't feel right. I hate feeling like this. I can sense this hole or void that needs to be filled. I just can seem to put my finger on what it is.

I'm actually somewhat looking forward to my appointment with the psychologist tomorrow. I'm also thinking I need to work out tomorrow morning sometime. I think I need a good cleaning session in the apartment and a hardcore work out.

I hate feeling like this and I'm really hoping I can change it soon. There are some things I want to discuss with the husband, but I can't seem to find a way to do it. Anyway, logging off Blogger and making some lists. To do lists, long-term "to do" lists.. Or, maybe I will just take some melatonin and go to bed.

I jinxed myself by dyeing my hair

It's totally true.

I'm back to my old ways. Since I dyed my hair blonde, I have managed to sprain my ankle in a very humorous fashion. Last Friday after my college placement tests, I tripped as I was walking up the stairs. Good thing I didn't trip going down, eh??? My newest injury is due to poor depth perception and long legs (thanks genetics!).

In order to get into the kitchen, you now have to step over a baby gate. So, I attempted this daring feat about 30 minutes ago. I had one leg over, then as the second was going over the gate, I SMACKED it right into the little piece of the counter top that sticks out. It is already slightly swollen and beginning to bruise.

In conclusion, I think I'm going to walk around with moon boots, football pads, and a bicycle helmet. If you see me in public, please don't avoid me..

Hooray, I haven't ripped my hair out yet!

Husband has officially been home for 3 days now. Today was by far the easiest day we've had together yet. Friday was a close second. I was able to do most of my daily stuff today and not feel like he was completely invading my space. I'd have to say my biggest annoyances are video games and South Park... So, I'm blogging while the kids are calming down for the night and watching Yo Gabba Gabba.

Thursday was great. It was so nice to have the husband home. Thursday was pretty much the most awesome day I've had in a long time. Friday started off pretty slow, it was totally throwing me off my groove. Especially since husband and I both woke up at 5:30 in the morning. I also took my college placement tests that afternoon. I didn't do nearly as bad as I was expecting! Then the husband and I were able to have a date night courtesy of my mother-in-law. I was totally surprised, it was great! We went to my favorite restaurant, and I got prime rib, totally awesome. Saturday was the most interesting day thus far. I think it had a lot to do with adjusting to him being "in my space" again and me being a female. I swear, every little thing set me off, when I wasn't acting like a complete biotch, I seemed to be overly emotional. Today was easy and laid back. I'm actually somewhat looking forward to the husband going into work for a few hours tomorrow. It will help prepare us for the upcoming week of his leave.

I'm also looking forward to (hopefully) registering for 2 or 3 classes tomorrow. I CANNOT wait to start that chapter in my life. Anyway! Time for me to put down these Apple Strudel Bites and get some more work done! Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

Fudge, crud, darn...!?

Yeah, the title pretty much describes how I feel right now in a PG manner. Those are the words I've said frequently throughout the last few days, but I've said the more "grown up" versions.

So, here I sit typing, with my legs up on the couch. Sounds good huh? No. Not since I didn't even manage to get half of my "to do" list done today. I made it to Costco and the doctor's office and that's about it. Didn't go to the regular grocery store, or mail off my mom's gift yet.

Yesterday, I was trying to open up the big stroller (one-handed, well, with one hand and one foot). While trying to use my foot to "pry" it open in way, my foot got caught, the stroller fell over, and it twisted my ankle in the process. The result... a sprained ankle. Boooo. That's what I think of that. My doctor always wants me to see a dermatologist so I can have a few moles on my back examined and possibly removed. Fun stuff (not). I'm officially boycotting doctors for a few weeks.

On a good note, husband will be home very soon.

Freaking out!

..But in a good way!

He's coming home! I just got a skype call from him, he will be out of A-Stan shortly and starting on his way home.

I don't really know what to do with myself right now! Lol! I don't if I should clean something or what. But, I am just totally stoked!

Great weekend!

Well, it's Monday again! Yay? Yes, I think it's a "yay" kind of Monday. I found out the latest date for husband to come home. SO excited, I feel like we are rounding third and headed into home base.
Anyway! I think this following weekend was pretty nice. I didn't spend much time at the apartment. I tried to keep the girls out and busy! So, we had dinner over at the in-laws Saturday. And Sunday we spent most of the afternoon over there.
This weather has been PERFECT lately. The only thing I can't stand about being outside are these stinkin' cottonwood trees! I opened my sliding glass door yesterday morning, and I had it open for a few hours. Anyway, when I went to close it, there was this HUGE pile of cottonwood (I'm going to call them flurries, since I don't know what to call it!) flurries. A few days ago, there were so many "flurries" in the air, Shannon thought it was snowing. I had to keep waving my hand in front of my face while I was walking today since I forgot my sunglasses. Other than that, this weather is amazing. And soon, we will have daddy back to enjoy it with us!

5QF

I haven't done one for a while, but I want to get back into it! So, here is another 5 Question Friday from http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com/

1. If you could go back to college would you change your major? Or if you were to go to college right now...what major would you choose?
- Well, I would get my associates first in Physical Therapy Assisting. That way I could have a job and pay for my Bachelor's in Exercise Phsyiology or Exercise Science. Then, it would be onto my PhD in Physical Therapy.

2. What do you love most about your home?
- That it's mine, even though we pay rent. I don't have to have people over if I don't want. I can wear what I want, listen/watch whatever I want to, I can just be me.

3. What types of books do you like to read (if you like to read at all)?
- All kinds. Most of the time I like something with a little humor. If it's too serious, it puts me to sleep. One kind of book I absolutely cannot stand are the trashy love novels. Total snooze fest!

4. What is the grossest thing you have ever eaten?
- Chocolate covered worm. 8th grade, we had this class party thing. And there were like these "dares" some o the parents set up. One of which was eating certain chocolate covered bugs. I'm not a bug person, period. So, it took a lot for me to stomach the bug...

5. If you HAD to be a character on a TV show, whom would you be?
- No real specific character in mind. Despite all the drama, I would love to be a wife on the Real Housewives. I would love to see what it would be like to have the finer things all the time. I'm not the type who would want to spend a gazillion dollars on furniture for rooms I wouldn't even use or anything I like that. I would like to think I'd be a fiscally responsible millionaire... But! I wouldn't mind having some REALLY nice foreign clothes, or luxurious cars. Most of all I would love to be able to travel whenever I wanted.

So much to say, but not enough space to write it down

Hello again, this time, from Utah. Back home now, well, have been since the 25th. The first few days were hectic, then there wasn't enough going on, then hectic, then absolutely nothing again. I swear, my mood changes as much, if not more, than the weather.
Our trip to California was wonderful, and very much needed. I posted all the photos from our trip on my facebook. I really just had a lot of fun with my family and my camera. =o) The girls had WONDERFUL birthdays. It's actually kind of nice having their birthdays in the same month, not going to lie!
Anyway, the first few days back home were nice. I was busy with tidying up the apartment and doing loads upon loads of laundry. So, that kept me pretty busy. It was the day or two I did absolutely nothing that sent me into what I will just refer to as "crazy." It didn't help matters any that I didn't talk to husband for almost 4 days. Yes, I know, he's on a deployment, that should be no big deal. He tries to talk with us everyday on skype if he can, so, call me spoiled I guess? Anyway, after day 3 (this has only happened maybe three times the whole deployment) I start to just go stir crazy. Monday was Memorial Day and also day 3 of no communication. So, I decided to put on my big-girl panties and brave the Hogle Zoo. The girls had SO MUCH fun, even the baby. I kept catching her waving at all the animals, so stinkin' cute! The big one had just as much fun. I gave her the zoo map and she showed me where she wanted to go. We spent nearly 4 hours at the zoo, it was great. I was able to get some sun and exercise!
Well, finally heard from husband the next day. So, all was well in my world again, or so I thought. The next day I logged onto his facebook and saw he had a message from his ex-girlfriend, the same one who just couldn't seem to let him go for almost the whole first 2 years we were married. I flipped! I actually gave myself and anxiety attack over it. He wasn't really trying to communicate with her or anything else. But, I still couldn't handle her trying to form any kind of relationship with him again. Later that day, I told him everything and I even told him I blocked her from communicating him completely, which he was fine with. This "episode" made me realize that maybe I do need some help, so I made an appointment with a psychologist, whom I saw today. The appointment was only supposed to be 45 minutes, as it is usually just for evaluations and such. Well, it ended up being nearly an hour and a half long. Janie's got issues ;o) Good news, I will be meeting with him weekly at least until husband returns home.
I guess I'm just tired of pushing everything aside or to another part of my brain and trying to convince myself I'm "A Ok." Also, I was supposed to hear back from my OB-GYN yesterday or today about my biopsy results. Yes, I had an abnormal pap back in February and had the biopsy last week. Anyway, got the results back today and I have moderate dysplasia. Pre-cancerous cells were found and they want to set up an appointment to do a LEEP procedure. Well, I told them I wasn't ready to set up the appointment yet. Call me crazy or whatever, but the doctor did say July would still work, it shouldn't be put off too long. So, I'm going to wait for the husband to come home. A) so he can watch the girls and be there for me B) after the procedure, no sex for 4-6 weeks. I'm sorry, I just had to go 2 1/2 months without any loving of any kind.. TMI possibly, but sorry, lol...
Anyway, long update, I don't usually like to post so much, but I had a lot on my mind! Hope you are all still awake ;o)