Happy Hump Day #3

Gerard Butler... I don't know a single woman that wouldn't appreciate the chiseled bod in 300. Or the brief butt moment in Law Abiding Citizen. But, most any woman would know him from P.S. I Love You. Granted he wasn't in the movie for very long, he was still amazing. I just want to say something real quick before ending this, Scottish accents are HOT.

Assessment #2

Today was Shannon's second assessment with the LPC, the counselor at The Children's Center. I did a final "at-home evaluation" on her and it turns out she's definitely a hyperactive child. So today the counselor and I discussed courses of action and how I felt about all this. There will be an opening soon for the occupational therapy/preschool at the center and we have decided to enroll Shannon when the opening becomes available. Not only will they do regular preschool activities, but they will work with the children and their various difficulties. The even greater news to all of this, Shannon will be placed in with an older class, because they feel she is definitely advanced.
I'm just so glad to finally have some answers, so maybe I can finally be at peace about this whole thing. I can't wait to have a normal, healthy relationship with her again. I want to be able to enjoy her like I used to. I'm hoping this will mostly be able to help me in how I interact with her. Now, she exhausts me and I get extremely impatient with her. I am on edge all the time now it seems. I just feel really good about what we are doing for her. We aren't trying to "slap a label" on her or anything like that. I want to know how to better understand my sweet girl again.
On another note, husband leaves soon. At least all his paperwork finally got sorted out and they are giving him the deployment orders this week. Anyway, I should figure out if I'm going to a cycle class at the gym or staying here to cook dinner. I'll write more later sometime.

It's that time of year...

Tax refund.. ugh.
I love it and hate it all at the same time! I found the federal return in our bank yesterday after Shannon's appointment. Let me talk about that first. The counselor has basically decided little miss Shannon has a case of OCD. Friday was just the assessment, Tuesday we find out more of an actual course of action. She might have a slight case of ADHD as well. We will find out more with the occupational therapist. Also, the counselor also thinks she is an advanced child. She did a graph with some of the evaluation questions I answered, and it pointed straight to Shannon being a very high-stress child. Which I don't doubt whatsoever, I already thought parenthood was stressful lol.
So, we finished her appointment, got some coffee and saw How To Train Your Dragon in the early afternoon. That movie was so freakin' cute, I recommend it to anyone and everyone. Erin even stayed awake for most of it! After that, we went back to his mom's house and dropped the kids off for our first date night since little Erin was born. Husband wanted to hit up Best Buy first, he bought a new computer tower. Then, a keyboard and headset to go with it, and I got a webcam for it for when he's deployed. I also got a brand new Nikon P90 camera. It is SWEET! I've played around with it a little already. Once our shopping extravaganza was over, we went to dinner!
Today was another busy day. Got up, mother-in-law came over and we left for the mall. We spent like 4 hours there and only went to 3 different stores (haha). I was glad to finally buy something from the Bare Minerals store though. I really like their products. Then I got even more stuff for the girls from Carters. I'm in love with Carters. I apparently received the "best kind of customer" coupons. Whatever that means.. lol. Guess it's a good thing I buy pretty much anything new for Erin there. Came back home, gave the family some food, then I was off again. This time to the furniture store! I picked out just a regular bed frame and mattress for Shannon. Her toddler bed is one step away from becoming firewood. She's almost destroyed it. Then, I had to go to Wal Mart of course for brand new bedding for it. ;o) I also picked up a new office/computer chair at Wal Mart.
Now, I'm pooped, and my allergies are severely kicking my ass. So, I'm going to leave daddy with baby duty for about 20 minutes and go take another shower. It's the only thing that really seems to help my head. I really wish I knew what the heck was going on. Not like I don't already take a daily allergy pill, it seems like a horse pill nonetheless..

I love love love my family, especially the husband

Shortly after I posted my latest entry, probably within 5 minutes afterwards, I grabbed the husband and asked him to talk with me in the back bedroom. I told him EXACTLY how I felt in the blog. Told him everything from feeling like a lazy parent to feeling like a crappy housewife.
He is so sweet, he totally made my day. Usually he just sounds like, "oh well, snap out of it" when I vent to him. This time it was completely different. He told me I do great, that I do way more work with 2 kids than I ever did with just Shannon. He also said how he is exhausted just 1 hour after being home from work and doesn't know how I do it. I felt uber guilty for taking off for nearly 4 hours yesterday, and told him that. He was completely understanding and told me to do it whenever I need to, no problems at all.
After our talk I just felt SO much better, so I took Shannon for ice cream. It didn't go as smooth as I would have wanted it too, but I'm sure she appreciated the one on one time with me out of the house. I don't spend nearly as much one on one time with her as I probably should.
Anyway, big day tomorrow! Shannon has her appointment first thing in the morning. Then, we have lunch at his mom's house and opening day for How To Train Your Dragon. After that, I GET THE FIRST ONE ON ONE, TOTALLY ALONE, NO KIDS, DATE WITH MY AWESOME HUBBY in almost a year! Lol, can you tell I'm a little excited?? We wanted one date for ourselves before he deploys. So, I'm really looking forward to tomorrow.

And I don't feel like venting to my husband..

I am overwhelmed right now.
I have no desire to do anything or talk to anyone. Actually, locking myself in my room with some water, chocolate, computer, and a few books seems ideal to me.
I want a vacation from everyday life.
I don't come close to even feeling like Superwoman.
I find myself getting extremely short and easily irritated with Shannon. If she throws one more outburst or tells me "no" one more time, I'm handing the kids over to Warren and shutting myself out for an hour or two.
I'm so irritated that I can't seem to keep up with just the basic housework. Or today for example, the garbage bag was completely full. I walked into the kitchen and saw it overflowing. Instead of getting out another bag and putting stuff in that one, the old one was just piling over.
This morning I took a few bags of clothes to DI and got some coffee for the husband and I. I was happy and the girls were happy to see me. I walk into the kitchen to do something and discovered Shannon drew all over the counter panel (whatever the part of the counter that's eye level with her). She somehow got to a pencil and drew "spiders" all over it.
I'm tired, actually I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically.
We have an appointment tomorrow morning at The Children's Center for Shannon. She's getting a behavioral health evaluation or something along those lines. It's supposed to be a 2 hr long appointment. I REALLY hope to get something out of this. To be honest, some days I feel I need to be medicated just to keep up with her and her needs along with doing everything else I'm "supposed" to do..
Please no judgements or anything. I don't feel like I'm an unfit parent. I actually like to think of myself and pretty average. Right now I feel like I've just hit a bump or five in the road...

Fluffy

Fluffy, that's exactly how I feel right now. I'm stuck at 150 lbs in this awkward stage. My pants don't seem to fit right and my shirts all "look" too tight. I feel like wearing my sweatpants and a baggy shirt most of the time.
I highly doubt the chocolate and all the crap food I bought around my birthday is truly helping any of this.
I almost NEVER let any of this effect my self esteem. It actually takes a lot for me to get down on myself.
I haven't been to the gym in a little over 2 weeks now I think. First reason, or excuse, is because I kicked the head of a nail sticking out of a baseboard and took a little chunk out of my big toe on my right foot. Reason #2 is because 3 days ago I broke the middle toe on my left foot. It feels fine if it's in a shoe, but the second I start walking around barefoot, I feel the discomfort.
I hate how the second I get motivated for the gym, something happens. I've been trying to lay off the crap food since I can't go run it off. But, being laid up because of my clumsiness has made me want to just dive head-first into the box of Little Debbie's Oatmeal Pies... And the fact that the husband has officially started preparing for his deployment has me on edge.
We had a brief argument yesterday because he scheduled a dentist appointment too close to my OBGYN appointment. Usually, there would be no discussion or problem with this. I would just call up my doctor's office and cancel, no problem. The problem, I have had the appointment for a month now, and it would probably be that long before I could get another one. Still, no big deal right? Well, I'm totally freaked about having to have a second colposcopy. I had one back in 2005 after an abnormal pap. I know it will probably turn out to be nothing, but I can't help but think of how it may be something.
I really wish I could go work out though. It would definitely help take away some of the stress from everyday life.

Beyond pissed!

Seriously, I just spent the last 20 minutes typing out a blog. I went to hit backspace and must have hit something else before backspace and it deleted the whole damn thing. This is usually when I would get "back on the saddle" and type it all out again. But, I have no desire to do so, at all. =o( I have a "to do" list I started yesterday and never got to finish. So, I suppose I will just get started on that...

Birthday and other news

So, Friday was the big 23. The day started off fairly slow. We couldn't really do much until after husband's dentist appointment. He woke up in such a weird mood, it totally put me in a bad mood. Then, call me crazy or selfish or whatever, but I generally expect the first words out of his mouth when he sees me to be "Happy Birthday." So, of course I was being petty over that, not going to lie.

After his appointment, he came home and we lounged around until we had to be at the bowling alley. Bowling was SO MUCH fun. We got 3 games in! My friend Allyson came and my oldest brother-in-law brought his friend John. I still keep telling the husband and other various friends how fun it was. Once we had finished bowling, we met up at the in-laws for some brownies and ice cream. Yes, no cake, hot brownies and ice cream is by favorite dessert BY FAR. After dessert we played Apples to Apples. The night was awesome.

Mentioned above, husband never said "happy birthday" when he woke up, well he actually hadn't said it to me all day. And I hadn't really thought about it until he looks at his watch and said "Ooo it's 1159, I still have time... Happy Birthday." He literally made me wait ALL day to say it. But, I've got to admit, it was kind of sweet. =o)

A few months ago, I posted my resolutions for 2010. So, I thought I'd do a 1/4 of the way through the year "check up."

1. Eat better/regular exercise: The last few weeks I have been eating nothing but junk, luckily I'm not gaining any weight from it. So, this week I'm really going to try to get back into it. This morning I shared a bowl of strawberries with Shannon and ate a muffin for breakfast. Not a bad start, I think. Regular exercise: I buckled down and at least got a gym membership! I'm hoping to get into the routine of attending one of their spin classes. I really want to try the kickboxing on Thursdays.

2. Better mother/wife: Things are great for husband and I. I don't know if it's because he's getting ready to deploy and we are just trying to find more time for each other or what. But, I am a happy camper, and I'm pretty sure he is too, not going to elaborate lol. Better mother: I still need to work on this one. I see some improvements when it comes to finding the extra time for Erin and stuff. But, I find myself still disciplining Shannon more than positive reinforcement. She is so close to daddy and he won't be around for a few months and I really don't want it to be hard on her.

3. Read at least one new book every month: January was Heart-Shaped Box. February was Master Your Metabolism. I finished that book just barely at the end of the month. Since then, I have finished book 5 in the Harry Potter series (I have been trying to finish it for over a year now), Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, and Boomsday. Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter was one of the best books I have read in a while. It sounds so real, by the end of the book you almost believe all of it. The awesome thing, I had no nightmares while reading it. It's not overly graphic or anything, so I would pretty much recommend it to anyone. Boomsday was a $6 book I found at Barnes and Noble. I was walking up to check out and it totally caught my eye. It's basically about this angry 20-something blogger who becomes very active in trying to pass a bill that would make euthanasia for older folks legal. She did it to try to stir up Social Security reform.

**Okay, so this is my original post I thought was deleted. Luckily for me, Blogger does the draft autosave. Yay! Now I can delete the new post I was working on. Silly me...

Eye candy for Wednesday, on a Thursday

Ryan Reynolds... need I say more??? His abs seem to go on FOREVER.

Good day..

Husband passed his PT test with flying colors. Now he can re-enlist or take care of whatever else he needs to take care of for that and his deployment. So happy for him. It was stressing him out to the max. But, I'm just glad it's all behind him now. This also means, I can start looking into plane tickets to go home in May. I'm so excited, I think I might stay for 3 weeks even. I really don't have much of a desire to hang out here in Utah while he's deployed. Especially since my family is my biggest support system, so I want to be where I will be the most happy.
In other news, husband and I both caught little miss Erin standing up in her crib today, holding onto the side of the crib. I guess she turns 10 months old and then decides she can do anything. Holy cow, I'm afraid to admit it, but I'm sure walking will be right around the corner. I am enjoying this. It's so different having kids at such different ages. I was 19 when I had Shannon and I had NO idea what I was doing. I had Erin at 22, and I felt way more comfortable. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have Shannon later on. But you know, what's done is done. There are no more do-overs or anything. So, I'm just trying to make the most of it with her now.

March.. already??

Wow, March is here already. And in an hour and a half, Erin will be 10 months. Holy cow, time is flying.
My birthday is in a week, and I really could care less. I am excited to have a good friend coming to town on my birthday, she's not coming for my birthday. It just so happens she will be in SLC that weekend. So, I really hope Eileen and her hubby will be able to come bowling with us. 23, I'm going to be 23.. I feel much older than my age. I guess it's not a bad thing. Especially since strangers have a habit of mistaking me for a teenager. Whether I'm with my children or not. I just feel older than 23, and I'm not totally sure how I feel about that either lol.
I started a new book yesterday. We got a flat tire on the car, and I needed something to do while at the tire shop. So, I busted out my newest Costco purchase, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith. It's a fiction novel, but it totally has you believing it could pass as a non-fiction. I'm over a third of the way through already. I plan to get back to it once I finish this post.
I can't believe it's been a week since my last post. Nothing exciting has been going on at all. I have done minimal housework or anything else. I'm back in a funk again, but I have been leaving the house a lot more without the kids which keeps me sanity tank a bit fuller than normal.
Husband has drill this weekend, so I really have nothing going on this weekend either. Which is probably for the best. Something in the back of my mind makes me feel like reading and cooking/baking all weekend. I'm sure husband wouldn't mind since I haven't officially cooked anything since before Wednesday, maybe Tuesday. He had the first portion of a root canal on Wednesday. I swear, I think I brushed my teeth 4/5 times that day. He kept telling me bits and pieces about his appointment, I felt like I was almost going to gag. Keep in mind, I've never even had a cavity. I've had braces twice, but never had a cavity. And I don't intend on getting one anytime in the near future either!
I'm missing my family back home. I can't wait to go home! 2 more months though, and I will be home for a few weeks. I hope, I wish I would just know for sure about this whole deployment thing so I could book the damn tickets already. I HATE waiting until the last minute for this kind of stuff.
All for now I guess. It's a little long, but it could be longer. Cutting it short, I want to get back to the book!